GETTY
1. He matches with you but never messages you. Call me old-school, but there's nothing like a dude with the balls (and conversation skills) to initiate this thing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you and I both on here to find love so we don't have to go on The Bachelor?
2. He wants to be your pen pal. Look bro, I have real friends, coworkers, my doorman — I don't need someone who I just met two days ago narrating his every waking moment — especially when you're not actually looking to meet IRL.
HTTP://IMGUR.COM/GALLERY/YNACV
3. He makes vague plans.
The dude: We should get drinks sometime.
You: Cool, sounds good.
Him: How about Thursday?
You: Perfect.
And then you never hear from him again.
4. He includes group photos of him and his boys in his profile pics. (1) Have no clue who the F you are and (2) Ambiguous man on the far left is hot AF.
5. He's seen your account but doesn't ask you any specific questions based on the profile you painstakingly crafted. Which, by the way, gives him a snapshot of your personality and includes but is not limited to: a witty quip about what you do for a living, a classy bathing suit beach photo, a pic of you with an adorable dog, a photo on a sunny day that shows your beaming smile.
6. He responds like Siri. For example:
Him: How are you.
You: I'm good, you?
Him: Great.
OK, cool this is going nowhere about as fast as a turtle. See you never? Thumbs-up emoji.
7. He is in the public eye and has a full-on significant other (but he lurks on apps).Didn't I see you on the @TheShadeRoom with your wife? Unmatch.
8. When you match in October, and he messages you in December. And by then, you have no clue WTF is texting you because it's literally been ages since you've heard from them.
9.When he doesn't recognize you from multiple dating apps. Um, that's a definite deal breaker. Especially when you already matched on Tinder and then he tries to strike up a conversation on Bumble. Hi. Hello, my face has not changed.
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10. He posts pictures with puppies and babies only. Do you see me posing courtside at a Laker game? No, so stop pandering. However, I would love courtside seats, so hit me up if you have those.
11. He's always holding fish. Why tho? Does this mean you're a catch? Or am I missing something?
BUMBLE
12. He crops out his ex. Half of his face is gone and there's a rogue manicured hand. So, tell me, who got cut? Because inquiring minds want to know. Also: just choose another photo — we know you have 8,000 other options in your archives.
13. His profile is just gym selfies (with his head cropped off). This is lame. Save it for the #fitfam.
14. He never asks you any questions, so you have to put all the effort into keeping the conversation going until you finally just give up. This is a conversation, not a Reddit AMA. So anytime you want to get involved, it'd be great. Thanks.
15. He sends vulgar messages right off the bat. Little nugget of advice here, Tyler: That does not a romance make.
16. He posts nature pics or food porn. Why. Is. This. In. Your. Profile? If I wanted to see roundups of the best burger or reuben sammy, I'd just scroll through Insta.
17. He hates on the dating app you're guys are both on. It's 2016 and no one should feel embarrassed to be on a dating app. App shamelessly or get off the app.
18. His profile photo is a screenshot of his bank balance. Yes, this is a real situation that's happened. If you want to prove that you're rich, how about a picture with a tiger?
TINDER
19. You have seen this dude around, you have mutual friends, you have officially met IRL, and he hits you with the "Wait, have we met before?" FOR REAL THOUGH? You and I both know we went to high school together.
20. His main pic is a certified #tbt. This isn't a passport my friend. Please update your profile picture every calendar year.
RAINFOREST FILMS
21. He sends unsolicited nudes and dick pics. How we went from zero to sending nudes is beyond me. Also, thanks ... I guess.
22. He posts numerous photos where you can't see his face. He seems like he could be cute, but he's either standing on top of a mountain and looks like an ant, or he's on his motorcycle with a helmet on. SHOW US YOUR FACE, please! We're going to see it eventually if you ever message us back!
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